Our young men need our help
Submitted by Anonymous on Sat, 08/13/2011 - 06:54
This week a young man announced on tv that he had been a drug dealer. He is from a a well respected family with both hightly educated parents present. How did this happen? What are some possible solutions for the malaise and sense of hopelessness that is overcoming our young men? What can we as parents do to mitigate against this?
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My thoughts as a successful
My thoughts as a successful (socially and career) male adult
lose the culture of multiple women/girlfriends
discipline- in the home, through sports, and working from a young age. did not earn much money, but learned how to work with people, the responsibility to show up, and the importance of doing a good job. I worked full time during high school and played high level of sports.
taught to treat women with respect and as an equal. they were not only for sex and spitting out babies. i worked in a female dominated industry during my high school years which was a good place for me to learn to respect women- they were my boss.
respect your elders. tend their yards, do their shopping, listen and learn from their positive traits. spend time with them. get to know them and who they are and what they came from.
achievement- in school, sports, hobbies.
material items- the first time my older drove by our house with a vehicle I told my Dad I wanted to be driving one when I got my license. He looked at me and told me you'll have to buy it and insure it yourself so you better find a job and start saving. He was serious. I went that summer and found a job and started saving. No hand outs, no hand ups. Save that for when they are in their 30's and have established themselves- then reward them.
these helped me become a productive positive contributor to society
Our young men need a swift
Our young men need a swift and speedy demise. You are either good or not good. No time for holding hands past the 6th grade.
Until parents and our
Until parents and our generation realize and understand that if we are not careful on how we impart material culture to our young people it will be the demise of future generations.
Can you suggest any concrete way on how we as parents can achieve this?
We as a society will never
We as a society will never understand what is happening in this islands and to its people until we understand the "Culture" shift that is taking place.
We like to boast of the over 100 nationalities that live in this county without giving a thought of just how difficult it must be for our young people and the dramatic changes that are forced to made on a daily basis in an already global environment that is changing by the seconds.
First of all do our young people have the technological knowledge, skills, and tools used to transorm resources into forms with specif purposes and the skills and knowledge to required to use them? I hardly think so when there has been no revolutionary change in education from the 30 plus years that I have graduated from CIHS.
As we are aware nonmaterial culture includes components that exert considerable influence over people's behaviour, such as beliefs,value, norms and symbols. Let us explore these options.
Beliefs: What are our young people's, experiences and traditions, do they still believe in honesty as we did a generation ago?
Values: What are our young people's concept of what is good, right, appropriate, worthwhile and important with regard to their modes of conduct? How do they view their equal opportunity not necessarily the equality of outcome but equal opportunity to compete.
Norms: How do they view the written and unwritten rules that specify the behaviours approprite to specify the behaviours appropriate to the guidelines that govern moral standard and even the most routine aspects of life?
Symbols: Yes those every present symbols, why do our young men and women all gravitate to the Gucci, Nike, Sean John and so many other name brands and dare to have or use nothing less, when some 30-15 years ago our young people would just want to wear what fits and looked right, why the material shift in such a short time were they born with this knowledge? I think not.
Until parents and our generation realize and understand that if we are not careful on how we impart material culture to our young people it will be the demise of future generations.
Look at the "leadership" from
Look at the "leadership" from the MLA's - one is lying and fighting in hotels. Another is under investigation for corruption and saying nothing sensible about it. And these are people on obscenely over-inflated salaries.
Discipline determines
Discipline determines destiny. As parents, mentors, leaders and just plain ordinary folks, we should encourage our young men/boy to practice any activity that teaches discipline. Learing a musical instrument is an excellent and easy way to achieve self discipline at a young age. As a country, we should support the arts in our schools and also put in place a program which fosters the development of the musical abilities within all our children.
It seems to me that many
It seems to me that many don't seem to want to help themselves. As the old saying goes, you can't help those who can't help themselves. No matter how much "help" you throw their way, they throw it back in your face.
As a mother of teenage sons,
As a mother of teenage sons, this is a subject of great interest to me. I would be most grateful if upstanding sons would comment on what was their most powerful influence which helped them to become successful.
Simple solutions that may help
My 2 cents on this subject (although I did not see this on tv) would be as follows:
1. immediately put structure in this boy's life via making sure he gets an education (if he is still of school age) and get him on a tracking system in school. That is easy to do and can be done by his parents. EVERY day have him bring a paper into school that is signed by each teacher that says he arrived to class on time, he behaved in class, he passed in his classwork and a spot for him to write down his homework assignments. Also, a place for his parent/guardian to initial each day. This must be done each day for as long as it takes for him to be consistent in school...not just when he is bored of this task. Once he sees that doing the classwork and his teachers are writing comments like "great job today", his overall attitude in the classroom and toward education will shift.
2. He needs a J-O-B!! Even if it is only 10 hrs a week or if it is just a responisibility around the house or with a neighbor, he needs a responsibility and an income. He needs something he needs to go too and a reward (a paycheck) for going.
3. He needs to join a sports team or club. I always prefer sports if they are members of a gang as sports tends to bring in discipline, but one or the other...he needs to be on a team!!!!!Let him choose, but he needs to join one and join it quick!
4. Get to know his friends...immediately! Invite them over while you are at home! Set a curfew at night and he must be home...he lives at your house! He follows your rules! You are the parent!
5. Get him intersted in a college career or a dream and have him start striving for it. Start small with brochures or internet searches, but have him start advancing his field of dreams....never seen a drug dealer make it to retirement...have you? Let him start believing that he CAN BE something and show him ways to start working toward that goal.
6. Ask him about his day...every day! He may give you small answers at first, but if you keep at it...the lines of communication will open. Right now...all he can tell you is that he sold drugs and he is not proud of that, but when he starts doing things he is proud of...he'll start sharing.
7. Good luck! Give him lots of hugs! He likes them...even if he doesn't show it!
8:34 hit the nail on the
8:34 hit the nail on the head. These children need good role models. With the Premier setting the worst example of all. What do I tell my children when they say, "why should we go to college"? You can become the head of a country with no education.
I saw that young man as well
I saw that young man as well admit to being a drug dealer. i'm sure his parents were tremendously distressed about this and I know that they did their very best for him. Where do parents turn when they are their absolute wits end about what to do next? What sort of support structure is there in Cayman to help and guide parents who are struggling and have no idea about what to do next? It's so easy to blame everything on poor parenting but these are complex issues and often beyond the comprehension of the very best of parents.
So many of our young men are
So many of our young men are being raised by single mothers, who despite their best efforts cannot serve as an example or a role model to our young men. In general, young men only indentify with other men and need constant and regular and accessable exposure to positive male role models. As a society, we desparately need more male mentors to take an interest in our young men.
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