Man beaten with bull’s penis
Posted on Wed, 10/13/2010 - 17:34 in Headline News
(CNS): Police have confirmed this evening that they are investigating a report regarding an assault on a man which took place in Bodden Town Road last night at around 6.40pm. CNS understands from unconfirmed reports that the male assailant was a well known member of the Bodden Town business community whose weapon of choice appears to have been a dried cow cod (a bull’s penis). Police told CNS they were unable to offer further details on either the weapon or the identity of the man who allegedly committed the assault. A spokesperson said that no arrests have yet been made and enquiries into the incident were ongoing. Meanwhile, Bodden Town MLA Dwayne Seymour has been charged by police in connection with a fight at Cayman Beach Suites earlier this year.
Police confirmed that a 41-year-old man has been charged in connection with an incident which occurred at the Grand Cayman Beach Suites on Saturday 1 May 2010. “The man has been charged with attempting to obstruct, prevent, pervert or defeat the course of justice. It is anticipated he will appear in court on 9 November 2010,” a police spokesperson said.
At the time of the incident, Florida based personal trainer Garrone Yap claimed he was assaulted by Seymour and another man outside the hotel. All three men were arrested, but Yap was released without charge.
Check back to CNS later for more on both these stories.
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Two penis stories very
Two penis stories very cleverly merged into one.......100 thumbs up for CNS !!!
Where's the beef?
Where's the beef?
Come on Wizard of Oz, you can
Come on Wizard of Oz, you can behave better than this.!!
You have our own children and children in the community who you should be setting an example for.
This isn't the first time you have whipped another individual. A mentally disturbed young woman from BT was also subject to our whipping some years ago.
Pull it together man, this isn't the time to behave as if you have lost your way on the Yellow Brick Road to the wonderful Emerald City in the Land of Oz.!
CNS, what was your reason for
CNS, what was your reason for turning off the comments option under the story to do with Dwayne Seymour? Or is this one of those cases where you turn off comments because the case is going to court?
CNS: Yes.
ahhhh, very clever
ahhhh, very clever CNS...everyone wants to know the "link" between the two but you're sly foxes!! Subtle, very subtle! Kill two stones with one cod! Tho' I wonder if you are having to restrict some of the comments in regards to the karate kid...
Nevertheless, freedom reigns supreme here on CNS when smoke and mirrors prevail elsewhere!
Great job CNS!! Who woulda
Great job CNS!! Who woulda thunk that such a weapon existed?
But, inquiring minds wanna know: I wonder if he had a license to posses this type of weapon?
What calibre was this thing?
Can they charge the assailant with "Assault with a dead weapon?"
(Gee... Good thing it did not go off! Maybe it was loaded but not co... oh nevermind!)
If he kept this thing in his pants pocket I can imagine the guy got lots of admiring stares from the ladies.
On the serious side: Ya know...this could be bad if the radical extremists get wind of it! Can you imagine a plane gettin' jacked by a band of thugs wielding this sort of weapon? And what if they decide to upgrade to even more potentially deadly ones, like maybe elephant cods?
The real bad thing is that it is not metallic and will not trip the metal detector. Very bad! I would advise the CIA to be watchful for a sudden spike in codless cows in countries known to harbour terrorists! We must always be vigilant.
But wait! Is not a "cow" a female bovine? Ok. I guess the poor bull is pretty much a cow after he looses his "ting", huh?
Anyway, good thing ol' Dwayne is not a cattle farmer or he could be in much worse hot water depending on his choice of weapon. And instead of him being "puzzeled" by the charges, the charges would be pizzling to everyone.
Ok. Another question: Where do you buy one of these things in Cayman anyway? "Cods and Things"?
Hey! What with the run-away violence in the islands and criminals obviously bored with old hat stuff like pistols and knives, increased demand for new ways to inflict mayhem could mean a new industry is born. Sure feel sorry for the bulls though. (Ouch!)
Ahh! After doing some research I see that perhaps the assailant did not have any bad intentions carrying around such a treacherous truncheon. Maybe he has a dog! Seems like these things are a tasty snack. (Wouldn't know, do not want to know.) They sell 'em by the dozen under such yummy-sounding names as "Durango Billy Boy's Beef Chew" and "Smokehouse Beefy Pizzle Sticks" among other name brands. They even got one called "Bone Buddies". I like the Product Description for one brand: "All natural... No preservatives. Fully digestible. Promotes dental health. Only one ingredient." You even have a choice of sizes: 5", 7" or 11". (Seems like size matters to pooches too.) Which makes me wonder what size was used in the assault. Had to have been one of the XXL in the single cello pack and not one that you buy by the bagfuls.
The most though-provoking blurb for the product is: "Long lasting chew" (Huh? They feed the bulls Viagra or what?)
Don't believe me? Ok, check it out for yourselves on the 'Net. Just Google "pizzle chews". (As for moi, I would not want to be trainin' my hound to gnaw onthat particular appendage. No wayyy!!)
Thanks for the awesome reporting!
Since the police don't carry
Since the police don't carry guns they should all be armed with this technology. And then maybe they will grow a pair to match the kit.
I know of an ex- police
I know of an ex- police officer back in the late 70's who used the infamous cow cod on a crazy-man in George Town, who one night at Berkley Bush old theatre on North Church Street, was cursing and pelting the police and motorists with rocks despite being warned repeatedly to stop.
After he got swiped "one time" in the butt with the cow-cod near to Cassasnova's restaurant, he immediately ran like a "bat out of hell" and jumped over the cement wall where Puritan Cleaner's used to be, and took down his pants along the iron-shore and put his butt into the sea water......... trying to cool down the heat.
Talk about rubbing salt into an open wound, that salt water only made it worst !!! I'm told that all along the iron-shore up to where Cayman Auto Diagnostic Clinic is now located, he kept dipping his butt into the sea water seeking comfort but to no avail.
The crazy-man continued to stir-up trouble over the years but whenever the police came to deal with him on reports of disturbance's, all they had to say to him was, "I'm going to call PC Ec- - - - - - - with the cod-cod" and he would immediately cease his disorderly behaviour and chill-out.
This is a True Story !!!
BT has cocky fighters!
BT has cocky fighters!
What kind of cock-amamy story
What kind of cock-amamy story is that?!
I own a leather handbag,
I own a leather handbag, Would you describe it as a cow skin or cow hide bag? The penis of a bull was transformed into something else, If I kick you with my alligator skin boots, were you kicked by an alligator? What if I smoother someone with my coat made from the skin of a mink? The headline would have been so much less sensatIonal (and correct0 if you had used the term cow cod.
Oh hush! Cow cod.....Bull's
Oh hush! Cow cod.....Bull's penis.....SAME thing! Great headline CNS.....now that's the way to capture an audience and sell yourself so to speak.
Please hush, you are setting
Please hush, you are setting me crazy.
Let me get this thing right,
Let me get this thing right, one dude attacks the other dude with - non the least, a cow cod, and the guy being attacked takes away the cow cod and puts on his attacker!Doesn't get any better than this thanks CNS. Even though I can see the humor in this headline. This Ex MLA could do better than going around cowardly attacking not only men but women as well with his choice of weapon. Talk about getting a taste of your own medicine Lol.
Sorry to tell ya bobo, but, I
Sorry to tell ya bobo, but, I believe you got your story twisted hahaha...
What the deuce!! Talk about
What the deuce!! Talk about taking the bull by the .... cod!
For those who are enthralled
For those who are enthralled by the image of a rather large, engorged (or flaccid) mammalian penis being wielded as a weapon in "A Clockwork Orange" manner, may I clarify:
The Cow Cod, as this meat truncheon is known in the Caribbean, is indeed a bull's penis; stretched and dried until it takes on a consistency not unlike beef jerky or more accurately, a rawhide whip. As such, it is a formidable weapon, inflicting painful and stinging blows. When wielded with deterrent force, it has been known to make grown men weep and pee their pants.
Wonder if Northward Prison might be interested?
19:16 you are indeed
19:16 you are indeed Professor Know!
Security Centre, do you have
Security Centre, do you have these in stock?
Or John Grey High School.
Or John Grey High School.
What a load of "Cock and
What a load of "Cock and Bull"!!
This is too funny! Thank you
This is too funny! Thank you CNS, Cayman needed a good belly bursting laugh!!!
So new rule! To qualify as a candidate for BT you must get beat up in public!!! The BT Politicians are 0-2 in public fights that they start!!!! LOL HAHAHAHAHAHA
Just another day in
Just another day in Absurdistan.
Thank you CNS for the good
Thank you CNS for the good humour.
I have never laughed so much at one time in a long time and to think these are the people we have elected to represent the country. This story and the one about the vehicle and paved road just goes to show what a bunch of clowns we have representing the country. I am thinking if it would be possible for the country to sell these clowns to Ringling Brothers for their circus show, maybe we could recoup the money for the vehicle if we could get rid of the whole bunch at one time.
Why is this story connected,
Why is this story connected, you ask??? Because they're both jackas' from BT who believe their crap don't stank!!!
There is a puzzle board to
There is a puzzle board to work out here why the two stories are joined. Scratch your head and figure it out.
Is it the assailants
Is it the assailants privilege to do and say what he wants to in your business, and abuse your staff? What is my property, I sure as hell am going to defend. It is time for all of us to respect one another and stop being a terror under the influence of grass, powder or sand. We need to encourage those who we inherited to lead worthwhile lives in our communities and stop causing undue stress and problems, then this rock would be a better place.
Must be something in da
Must be something in da Bodden Town water lol
I just don't understand why
I just don't understand why someone would use perfectly good local cuisine as a weapon. Maybe they should have deep fried the penis then have a sit down to resolve their differences like gentlemen. Way to go Cayman you have outdone yourselves again at looking like the fools of the world.
What a waste of good meat
What a waste of good meat "Cow Cod" makes the best soup, drink it and you dont need to buy "Viagra"
Why would anyone here buy
Why would anyone here buy viagara when they can easily obtain Jamaican Stone/Black Stone over the pond?
Does this mean the victim was
Does this mean the victim was "pizzle whipped?" That is the common name of the item in question, and which is frequently sold in pet stores as a dog chew toy.
My, my but we have descended down a very slippery slope of depravity of late....
For those of you who stopped
For those of you who stopped reading after the first few lines...
"Check back to CNS later for more on both these stories."
This is the funniest story
This is the funniest story I've read in a long time. Emailed it to all of my family and friends back home. Still chuckle everytime I think about it.
Times are so tough now-a-days
Times are so tough now-a-days that I hardly have a gutsy laugh any more but this one caused me to crack up. And its not the story itself, but the slant some of these posters put on it. Guys you save me some dollars at the doctor.
RCIPS are focusing their
RCIPS are focusing their efforts on finding an extremely angry bull in the BT area
11:57 LOL! are you looking
11:57 LOL! are you looking for MOO & GRINGO, I believe the story Book titled " Tell me More" says that they had escaped and were looking for the "Mastic Trail" LOL.
If someone attacked me with a
If someone attacked me with a bull penis I would be cowed.
These men were clearly having
These men were clearly having some sort of beef.
All joking aside - its still
All joking aside - its still an assault and charges should be brought.
And who said Cayman didn't
And who said Cayman didn't have any culture? Hahahahaha
CNS: Thanks for the comdeic
CNS: Thanks for the comdeic value of the bull penis story, but surely the fact that an mla is being charged with 'attempting to obstruct, prevent, pervert or defeat the course of justice' deserves it's own story?
Surely a more appropriate
Surely a more appropriate headline would have been :
Man beaten with a Cow Cod.
This is the Caribbean is it not?
I don't know. I recall the
I don't know. I recall the time a fellow in Jamaica was shot in the crotch and the headline in the newspaper read, "Penis Shot Dead". True story. :)
LOL! I mean, I'm sure that
LOL! I mean, I'm sure that hurts like hell but I can't help but be in tears laughing at this story!
Hide yo wife, hide yo kids,
Hide yo wife, hide yo kids, hide yo husbands, and hide yo bulls penis'...they attacking everybody in here.
How come this is the only
How come this is the only news item that doesn’t have an image associated with it?
Yes, come on pictures please,
Yes, come on pictures please, we need to know - was the penis still attached to the bull at the time of the incident??
Scraatchin'mehead please, I
Scraatchin'mehead please, I can't laugh anymore. Heeeeee, Haaaaaa,Heeeeee, Oyeyoooooo, heeeeeee, Haaaaa, He,he.
This is freaking awesome. God
This is freaking awesome. God bless the Cayman Islands, I love this place.
Here is a little background for those who are curious...
"The penis sword has evolved throughout the centuries, becoming a common household utensil throughout Europe. It was brought to the Americas in 1337 by Christopher Columbus, who reportedly said, "Bend down, ye savages, lest I give ye a hard dicking".
The European penis sword effected the discipline to maintain slavery, with the European overlords holding out these erect, throbbing tools in a threatening way in response to any slave's attempt to flee. Eventually, the oppressed peoples developed their own penis swords, and in some cases even wielded swords longer than 2 feet.
To this day, the penis sword is a source of competition, usually unsheathed in events known as "dick waving contests" like the war in Iraq."
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Penis
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